Transcript

Ani
Hi, and welcome to the Somatic Coaching Academy podcast, episode 102. Hi Brian. How are you?

I’m doing great.

Brian
How are you?

Ani
I’m good. Thanks. We are really excited today to talk about the new workshop that we have been hosting, Create Transformations on Repeat.

This podcast is a little introduction to that work, an invitation to join us. And I’m really excited to talk a little bit more about why do I keep falling back when on old patterns, when I really want to change? Cause that’s so hard for folks, Brian.

Brian
Yeah. That’s the thing, right? I mean, people, um, say they want to change and they actually try to change.

They have energy. They have all the best intentions to change and then something happens and they just slide back into the old patterns again.

Ani
Do I keep sliding into those old patterns? People really want to identify that, Brian. It was really like, man, so hard for folks.

Brian
Yeah. And that’s basically kind of why we created this workshop because it’s an opportunity to come and not only learn about the physiology and the science of these things, but it’s also an opportunity to do a little work with yourself in real time. Um, in a small group where you can have your questions answered in a kind of a workshopping process.

It is really, truly a workshop.

Ani
It is actually a workshop. Yeah. And if you’re looking for the link to it, you can find it on the top of our webpage.

Probably it’ll say register here, but also go to the menu and go to events and you can find it there as well. Even from our social media pages, if you go to like the about sections and stuff, the links there, it’s really hard to miss. Um, so, um, Brian, I’m, I’m really interested to know like, what is the main reason why people are coming to this workshop?

Brian
Well, the main reasons why, uh, to start with is that people, um, love learning, right? They want to learn about the physiology of a body mind kind of a connection in transformation. That tends to be a big thing.

But also every person says, why wouldn’t I want to learn how to do transformations on repeat?

Ani
Yeah.

Brian
Like because transformations for a lot of people feel like there are, um, hit or miss the random, like once in a while, maybe it’ll happen. If, if all the stars align and Mercury’s not in retrograde and you know, all those kinds of things, like maybe, maybe it’ll happen, but people want to come and learn like what is the actual process of transformation? Like so that I can do it with my clients and with myself every single time.

Ani
And what’s the new science? Because we talk to people all the time who are operating from old scientific principles, which it’s really easy to do by the way, because a lot of the media that you’re going to see, whether it’s social media content of any kind, YouTube videos, articles, whatever, a lot of the things that you books that you’re reading or watching out there are being recycled from old scientific principles. Right.

And so, uh, some things like, um, my thoughts create my reality and if I just change my thinking, I will change my life or my thoughts create my feelings. That’s some of the old scientific paradigms people are coming from. Um, what other kinds of, uh, older scientific, like, um, the, my feelings are created from external events, like those kinds of things, or even, um, I know I just asked you the question.

Now I’m answering you or answering myself. Like the brain is in charge of everything.

Brian
Yeah. Right. Yep.

Ani
Right. Like one of the things that we talk about a lot is the physiology and it’s not just nice and it’s not just trauma informed, but it’s really because the physiology informs how our brain operates and does everything that it does. So if we’re going to talk about brain function without talking about physiology, you’re not going to get very far.

Brian
Right. Yeah. And I do know that like, like most of our listeners here on the Somatic Coaching Academy podcast or they’re savvy listeners, they have at least heard something about embodied practice and those types of things.

They’ve read books, you know, like Body Keeps The Score and How Emotions Are Made and, um, uh, Biology of Belief and those types of things. So there you are actually kind of trending greater than the, like most people out there in the planet about why somatic practice is so important to create long-term change.

Ani
And you’ve probably done a whole lot of work too.

Brian
Yep. So we dive deeper into that, into the workshop, but not, not like, it’s not like a lecture lesson for that three hours. We dive deep enough then to help the participants turn around and use it for themselves to help to really identify where are their snags in their own transformational processes.

And then we also of course, uh, go through each one of, uh, the practices that we teach here. We just share those things with people and they can all have an experience of that.

Ani
Yeah. They can try them out. So why is it Brian that people keep falling back into old patterns when they start to create change?

Brian
Well, the short, the short answer is subconscious resistance. I mean, that’s like, that’s the short answer, but that’s also, that answer is a part of the longer recipe for how do you create like transformations on repeat. So, you know, if you haven’t listened to last week’s podcast on core, on core limiting core beliefs, you might want to go back and listen to that one too, because those certainly play a part.

And so we don’t dig deep into those in the workshop because we don’t have to, in order to help people understand the framework for creating predictable transformations, you know, on repeat, which is really, again, the big, the big part of this workshop is to help people come to and go, Oh, Hey, can I take that recipe and actually use it with my clients tomorrow?

Ani
Yeah.

Brian
Which is kind of what we’re really on help bring forth and then bring in that, that somatic piece. But the short answer is subconscious resistance and subconscious resistance shows up in so many insidious ways to stop us and block us. But if you follow a predictable recipe in terms of creating those transformations on repeat, you can limit the amount of subconscious resistance that comes up or influences someone.

Ani
Why do you think it’s important to have a predictable process to be able to combat that subconscious?

Brian
Because we’re never going to out-think the subconscious. number one, subconscious already knows what you’re thinking before you’re thinking it, partly because it’s telling you to think that right. Right. And so when we have a predictable process, it allows us to stay on the path when the, when the subconscious resistance is trying to convince us to step off the path or to do something else.

But if we know what comes next, if we know what comes next, if you know what comes next, then in a lot of ways we are allowing an outside framework to guide us through the process because no one can change on their own. Right. I mean, because our subconscious is running everything.

So if we don’t have some type of outside framework or process moving us through where we’re going in terms of change, subconscious will always always stop us.

Ani
Absolutely. The subconscious is about 95% of our mind power. So to think that we can consciously combat, that’s like thinking we can stand in the yard where a hurricane’s coming and put our hands out and say, no, you know, the hurricane’s coming.

The power of the subconscious mind will overwhelm our conscious capacity to be conscious, to consciously walk.

Brian
It might not even overwhelm it, also manipulate it. It’ll also subvert it. The subconscious is really insidious in the ways that it does that.

Ani
We don’t even know that it’s happening, but if you’re following a process, you’ll know whether or not you’re following the process or not.

Brian
Right, exactly. You’ll know where you are in the process. You’ll know where you are in the process.

And if you don’t know where you are in the process, then that’s a subconscious resistance pattern.

Ani
Yeah, it’s really a lifeline.

Brian
Yeah, exactly.

Ani
While creating transformation. Hey, let’s talk for a second about the difference between transformation and breakthroughs, because as we’re talking about this, I’m recognizing that some people don’t know the difference and also can confuse them.

Brian
Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And so, um, and that’s another way that the subconscious actually limits us is because people can get addicted to breakthroughs.

Yeah. People can get addicted to breakthroughs. And so my question for you is, are you addicted to a breakthrough?

And breakthroughs feel great, right? There are a lot of awareness. They wake us up.

It’s like sparks.

Ani
What do you think that looks like to be addicted to breakthroughs?

Brian
Well, what it looks like is we have a breakthrough. We have an awareness. We get lit up or really excited.

We have a new awareness. Oh my God, that feels amazing. I’m going to do something about it.

I’m going to feel great. I’m going to do this. And then it kind of fades.

And then we go back into an old pattern and then we go to another conference to get another breakthrough. Oh my God, I had another breakthrough. That was amazing.

That was so good. I’m going to do that. And then we forget about that.

We go back to an old pattern and then we read a book. Oh, I got a breakthrough. And so we can actually, your subconscious can keep you addicted to the dopamine hit associated with breakthroughs.

Ani
And it can subversively make you think too that once like you have the breakthrough and then once certain action steps or strategies or people, it can start to project that those strategies or those people are like wrong or they don’t know what they’re doing or it can make meaning all funky. So that instead of actually making a change, you go back to a breakthrough over and over and over again.

Brian
Exactly. Exactly.

Ani
By the way, you won’t know that’s happening. You’ll really think it was that person that program, that book, that course, that whatever.

Brian
Yeah. Cause the breakthrough feels great. And your subconscious allows you to have the breakthrough.

It’s like, all right, just wait. Okay. You can have the breakthrough.

I’m going to wait. I’m going to wait a little longer. I’m going to wait a little longer, wait a little longer.

And then two days from now, I’m going to give you a stomachache and then you’re going to forget all about that breakthrough.

Ani
I think we think that a new patterns feel good. So we’re talking about, you know, why I keep falling into old patterns. And I think one of the things that comes up for me with this idea of being addicted to breakthroughs is we think that the new pattern feels good right away.

Brian
Correct.

Ani
And so we have the breakthrough and we’re like, this is it. I made a transformation because I feel good right now. But really there is a, uh, repatterning that goes on about the sensations that you feel when you’re going to create that transformation where it gets all mixed up about the feel good, feel bad.

And we could do like hours and hours on this. So, you know, I’m going to stop there, but it gets mixed up and you can’t tell the difference actually when you move through it and then how you make meaning out of the sensations that you feel. So you have to get to the point where you challenge all of those things to actually move forward from old patterns.

But because we really want it to feel good and we really don’t want anything that feels uncomfortable, then what happens is we do fall back into old patterns and keep addicted to the breakthroughs so that we don’t have to confront the, um, potentially challenging sensory.

Brian
Exactly. Exactly, exactly. So we do really have to have an understanding about what is a breakthrough and what is a transformation.

Ani
Right. Okay. So we were talking a little bit about, okay, breakthrough.

What are, what are breakthroughs then?

Brian
Well, I think it’s just what we said. There are new awarenesses, new insights. Um, yeah.

We say, Oh my God, I didn’t see it that way before. Oh my God, that makes so much sense. It’s something that could potentially spark a process of transformation.

Ani
And it happens in a moment.

Brian
Happens in a moment.

Ani
Can feel like that light bulb moment, that aha. It actually does usually feel good.

Brian
And they’re really important. Yeah. Breakthroughs are critically important.

Ani
Yeah.

Brian
But you could get addicted to them and never move forward with them to create a transformation.

Ani
Okay. So that’s a breakthrough. What’s a transformation?

Brian
So a transformation is a, is a process of real change. Like a breakthroughs by themselves won’t create real change. They’re going to create maybe a little bit of a, if we just talk about neurological rewiring for a second breakthroughs, they might cause a couple of switches to change, but they’re not going to cause longterm kind of change.

You’ve got to follow up the breakthrough with that process of transformation set of thing, right? Like a Caterpillar can be on the branch and have an idea. Oh, I’d like to be a butterfly and see a butterfly as a breakthrough.

But the Caterpillar never goes and makes a cocoon and gets in the chrysalis and gets all whatever they become in there. I don’t know when it really even knows what happens inside of there. Cause they’re not a Caterpillar anymore.

They’re not a butterfly. They’re like a pile of goo. I mean, right.

It’s kind of a mysterious thing that happens in there, but they’ve got to go through all this mysteriousness before they, wasn’t there an Eric Carle book about the Caterpillar? It’s like one of my favorite.

Ani
Very hungry Caterpillar. But I’m thinking about one of my favorite movies from, it was many years ago, Bug’s Life. And there’s this, um, I think it’s like a German Caterpillar character.

And at the very end he pops out and he says, um, I’m a beautiful butterfly. But if you remember, he’s still a Caterpillar. Which reminds me of like the, I went through a breakthrough and I’m totally different kind of haha, because that, that Caterpillar obviously did not go through the transformation.

Brian
Yeah.

Ani
It’s still a Caterpillar with butterfly wings.

Brian
Yeah. That’s funny. That’s really true.

So true. So when we think about transformations, because I think this is what coaches really want to help people with, you know, there’s a lot of people out there who are transformational coaches. I mean, they actually speak to that.

That’s how they market themselves. That’s how they speak about themselves in the world. That’s the promise that they make to their clients that they actually lead their clients to transformation.

And, um, I mean, I don’t know about every coach out there if they have a process to do that or not do that, but it’s really important for us to be able to have a process to do that because we want to help those transformations become predictable. We don’t want them to be a lottery for people, right? We want them to be a predictable process.

Ani
Well, another reason why you want it to be a predictable process as a coach is because it can actually be pretty confronting as a coach to help your client through a transformation. It actually is probably a lot more comfortable as a coach to lead your client through breakthrough after breakthrough after breakthrough after breakthrough, because the client gets this, Oh my God. And the coach is like, yeah, we did something.

We leave the session. The client likes me. Eventually they’re not meeting their goals.

They’re not really doing the things that they said they would. And by the way, we can make plenty of excuses for ourselves with how infrequently that happens in the market anyway. Um, when in reality, if you’re going to be a person who walks people through a transformation, you’ve got to be able to sit with them when things get chrysalis like Mookie in the middle, right?

Like they could have a challenging emotions that come up. They could have difficult thoughts that come up. They could blame you.

They could blame the program. They could blame themselves. Like stuff happens in the middle.

And actually I want to talk to you more about that in a second. Um, but as a coach, it can actually be confronting to lead people through true transformations. But the, the end of that that the client actually does have a transformation of course is incredibly great for a coach because you have things like case studies that you can use for the lifetime of your business to help people understand the kind of work that you can do and wonderful testimonials.

And by the way, you put your head on the pillow at the end of the day when you know that you can help people transform. It’s awesome. But to your point, having that process allows the coach to go through the potentially challenging part of the transformation on their side of the table as well, to know where they are.

Um, and to, you know what, I think what a lot of people do is think they can rely on their intuition, but actually when we do that, we can be following our subconscious conditioning and not realize it.

Brian
Which is another reason why you want to process.

Ani
Exactly. Exactly. So following the process allows both the client and the coach to walk through that dark forest in the middle and get to the other side.

So what do you see are some of the most challenging things about creating transformation? Brian, what were the real sticky parts for?

Brian
Well, again, I think the subconscious resistance for me is the most is the stickiest part and the subconscious just can start right away after even having a breakthrough. It starts right away. And that’s why I think it’s really important to be able to, again, have these steps.

So maybe we can just talk about these steps a little bit, kind of let people know. So the, the, really the first step in a transformation is to have an intention for it. So as a coach, you have to be, I have to be skilled at helping people set not goals, but intentions and intentions.

I think we’ve done a previous podcast on goals and intentions, haven’t we? Yeah. So you can go back and listen to that one, but you have to be able to help people set really good intentions.

Ani
And we’re not talking about intentions. Like I intend to be present right now kind of thing.

Brian
Listen to the, yeah, go back and listen to the podcast. So you have to be able to set those intentions, intentions and those intentions will start to create a process of change. Now also sometimes clients have an intention that they’ve set on their own, right?

They just, they want something different in their life and that kind of stuff. And then what’ll happen is some type of precipitating event will occur, which is the next kind of step. So a transformation requires intention also requires a precipitating event.

Now that precipitating event may be a breakthrough that may be qualified as a breakthrough. And it could be a breakthrough that we put ourselves in a specific situation to have the breakthrough. I mean, we’ve gone to a conference, maybe we’ve gone to a retreat and, or maybe we’ve been meditating regularly.

Like those things put us in a relationship with having a higher probability of having a precipitating event or a breakthrough. So that could happen or life could just hit you with a two by four.

Ani
Right.

Brian
That could also happen.

Ani
Yep.

Brian
Right. So life gets you the two by four and there’s also then a precipitating event. So that’s gotta be a part of that, of the transformative kind of journey, not the two by four, the precipitating event.

And again, it can show up either either again as that breakthrough or something just happens.

Ani
Yeah.

Brian
Okay. So that, and then the other thing that, and this is the difference between a breakthrough and a transformation, a key difference is that transformations require a choice and they require commitment.

Ani
Yes.

Brian
Right. Because we don’t always choose our breakthroughs, but we will always choose whether or not we have a transformation.

Ani
Yeah. I was just thinking that the, if we don’t transform, our subconscious is actually choosing for us that it’s going to stay the same. Yep.

Brian
So we have to make a conscious choice that we’re going to follow the process and go through the process of transformation. That’s a choice like every day.

Ani
Yes. That’s where the commitment comes in. Yeah.

Brian
So we’re making a choice every day, which turns into commitment, right? Because you choose every day to do it over a long term, it becomes a commitment technically. So you gotta have that.

You don’t have choice and commitment. There’s no transformation.

Ani
Yeah. I like how you said that. Like choosing every day is committing.

Brian
Yep. Creates a commitment. So, and then we get into the sticky part of it is the subconscious resistance comes up, right?

We have to, we have to know how to navigate resistance to change.

Ani
Oh, wait a minute. I thought we were supposed to eliminate resistance to change. I’m kidding.

Like people ask that all the time. I’d like to eliminate resistance to change kind of like, I’d like a hamburger. Like you can’t just order that up.

It’s not on the menu because transformation requires resistance to change. And the cool thing about following the process and understand how, understanding how to create transformations on repeat is what you really learn how to do is navigate resistance to change so that you can do it over and over again. It’s easier, you know, when you know how.

Brian
Yeah. Yeah. So our little saying is that if you’re not experiencing resistance, you’re actually not changing anything.

And that’s another way that your subconscious convinces you to not do it because your subconscious gives you another pathway in quotes that doesn’t feel like there’s resistance associated with it.

Ani
Yeah.

Brian
And what it’s really doing is giving you some candy so that you actually don’t change.

Ani
And clients have said to me time and time and time again, wait a minute. You mean this is this resistance I’m feeling is a sign that I’m on the right path because their subconscious is telling them this resistance means you’re on the wrong path.

Brian
Exactly. Yeah. And you know, a lot of times as coaches you may have had this experience with someone where you’re talking with someone about starting to do some coaching with you and you talk about the process and they, they seem like they’re on board or something and then they don’t call you back and you follow up with them and they’re like, well, I decided to go to this other training or this other thing.

All right. I got a book, I got something else because they, because whatever else came up was easier. So what you help them do is identify that they actually have an issue.

You’d be helping them become aware of it, but then their subconscious convinced them that if they go the easier path, that they’ll get a change. But then a year later, nothing’s changed. Right?

And hopefully they come back and go, you know what, I’m ready to really kind of dig in this time with you. And so that can happen all the time as coaches, which can kind of feel really frustrating. So for your clients and for yourself, even recognize when have you stepped into a potential opportunity that you know is going to change things and how would you know it’s going to change things is because oftentimes it feels like there’s a lot of resistance there and then said no to it because it felt like there was not enough time, not enough money.

Um, you didn’t get the hell. Yes. As I talked about in other, other podcasts and that kind of stuff.

And the point is that that’s actually exactly what was going to help you transform and change. So, so the subconscious resistance really comes up. And this is where sensation based motivation coaching really shines, right?

Because this is the most important part. Like if you can’t navigate, can’t navigate the resistance, then nothing else is going to work.

Ani
And it, yeah. And it totally. And if you can’t, if you can’t find a predictable way to navigate the resistance, it’s a crapshoot.

Brian
Yeah.

Ani
Maybe it’ll work. Maybe it won’t work. I don’t know about you, but that just feels incredibly frustrating.

Brian
Yeah.

Ani
He’s gotten so far. Right. Um, yeah.

Brian
Yeah. So you have to be able to navigate that resistance. And in doing that, it’s really important that you know how to take aligned action, you know, to take action aligned with your intention, right?

So if you set the, if you set a really good intention back at the beginning, then you will be able to identify actions that align with fulfilling that intention.

Ani
And being able to tell the difference between what you’re talking about right now and that easy out kind of path.

Brian
Yeah, exactly.

Ani
Cause it’s different.

Brian
It’s different. So you have to identify those aligned actions. That’s a really important part of the process.

Now, another part in part, which most people kind of a lot of people don’t get is the evidence gathering part. We have to be able to gather evidence and that reflects back to a person that their aligned actions are yielding results for them.

Ani
Yeah. That helps to confirm and reconfirm that the transformation is taking place and it helps us to keep going.

Brian
Exactly. Because people usually won’t see it themselves because of the subconscious resistance. So there needs to be a way to reflect that back to them.

Another really important part of that is what we call community reflection piece, right? Because the community affirmation, and this is a whole other podcast to talk about this piece right here, what has, how it has to do with energy conservation around change, how important this is, that core sense of belonging for humans. Like there’s so much built into that piece that if you don’t have that piece, it can really just erode, erode all the foundation that you put in, in the transformational process.

Right. Cause you can set up the whole process really good. You don’t have that part.

It’ll just erode the foundation of it.

Ani
Yeah. I know that for other programs, what I’m going to say doesn’t necessarily compute, but the way that we run things, some people get confused when they hear us say that sometimes the quicker, most efficient way to transform is actually to be in a group program because people think that they’re going to get a higher value in a private program. And the way that we have things set up with our group programs is special.

It’s not, you can’t compare it to other people’s programs. It’s baked in that you’re actually going to transform more efficiently because of the group component.

Brian
It’s all very intentional. We’ve all done that very intentionally based on this process. Based on knowing how this process works, we’ve built in these components to make sure that our students and our clients get change.

And that’s why we’re kind of a big fan of group programs actually in that regard because you’re resourcing that right away.

Ani
Yeah. I think it’s one of the reasons why so many people in our community say they love the community so much is, don’t get me wrong, the people are amazing. Our community of people is so awesome.

I thank my lucky stars every single day. And also there’s processes baked into how we run our communities that allow actually the parts of you that you love to be reflected in other people, which is one of the reasons why you like them so much.

Brian
Exactly. Yeah. And that’s all because we’ve been very thoughtful and intentional about the transformational process.

So we kind of make sure that all these components are a part of it. And then, you know, probably one of the last and most important things to remember when you’re creating transformations on repeat is they take some time. They take just persistence, I would actually say more than something else.

And people are like, well, how much time is this going to take? It’s different on a couple of different scenarios, really.

Ani
I’m about to, excuse me. Bless you.

Brian
And so it’s a little different depending on different scenarios. So some of it is how ingrained are a person’s current patterns? Okay.

How well defended are they? Sort of thing. That’s a big part of it.

How much attachment do we have to our current pattern? So that’s a part of it too. How much time each day, week, month, are we willing to commit to doing things to transform?

Ani
Support the transformation.

Brian
Yeah, exactly. So that’s a part of it too. So it’s really hard.

It’s really impossible to say it takes this long, but we have some general kind of guidelines that we’ve seen, right?

Ani
Yeah, we do. And I just want to say before you share that, I really do like what you said about persistence. Like that’s a fantastic word and a different way to think about it that I think is really helpful.

Brian
Yeah. Yeah. So there’s some, there’s some research that says, and this is just behavior change.

This isn’t, this is not belief change research. It’s really behavior change research that on average, it takes about 66 days to change a behavior. Now in the research, it goes anywhere from like 18 days to 254 days, but the average is 66 kind of thing from everybody in the, everybody in the group that they studied.

And that’s just behavior. So if you’re just changing a simple behavior, like opening up your car door with a different hand to make that ingrain, it takes a couple of months. So you can imagine that changing a belief system is going to take at least that long sort of thing.

Ani
Yeah. We kind of tend to see that it takes between the six and nine month marker for people to actually create a transformation from a belief standpoint that starts to translate into different areas of life. It’s not just about, I can open up the car using a different handle, but actually, because I do that, it has other ramifications into my life.

It takes time for that to happen. And I think it’s actually a self-sabotaging mechanism that we see when, I mean, we’ll have students that ask us how long our programs are, Brian, and we’ll tell them and they’re like, Well, I want to do it quicker. Okay, that’s fine. But I also think that’s a part of the subconscious self-sabotaging mechanism to recognize that you just won’t let yourself get to the place where you give yourself the time that is required for a complete transformation. That’s that easy way that you were talking about earlier.

Brian
Exactly. Just do it quicker. Just do it quicker, people say. But I think of those two things, the question for me isn’t how long is this going to take? I think that’s a self-limiting question, as you pointed out, Ani. I think the more important thing is how much persistence am I willing to give this? Because persistence will speed up the process.

Ani
Yes. Persistence often looks like being creative and being vulnerable and communicating and engaging and being courageous and those kinds of things. Yeah, exactly.

Brian
Exactly. Those are really the steps of creating a transformational process that we found are time-tested every time. If you add those components in to a transformational journey, you will end up transforming. Just have to stay on that path in terms of doing that.

Ani
Then you’ll be able to do it on repeat because you know how it goes. Right. Yeah, exactly. If you want to actually learn how to do this, this was just an introduction, come join us at the workshop. And by the way, it is a workshop. So you’re going to get to try the methodology that we teach here at this Somatic Coaching Academy as a part of the workshop. So you’re going to go through your own process, learn the information, but also try it as well. Again, you can find it really easily on our website. Go to live events, and then you’ll find it there. Also, it’s in all of our social media and stuff when you look anywhere where we have links. So we look forward to seeing you at that live workshop. If you have any questions about it, don’t hesitate to reach out to us, info@somaticcoachingacademy.com. You can ask us any questions that you want, and we’ll help you get the info that you need. Yeah.

Brian
I look forward to seeing you there.

Ani
Thanks so much for joining us today. We’ll see you next time. Bye-bye.