Ep #36 How Coaches can Help Clients to Declare Independence from Their Lower Emotional States

by | Jul 4, 2024 | Coaching, Mindset, SCA Podcast

The Somatic Coaching Academy Podcast

Transcript

Ani
Hi, and welcome to the Somatic Coaching Academy podcast. Hey there, Brian.

Brian
Hey, Ani, how are you?

Ani
I’m really good. Happy Independence Day.

Brian
Happy Independence Day.

Ani
In the US.

Brian
In the US, anyway. It’s Independence Day. If you are checking in from anywhere in the world, Happy Independence Day for whatever your national Independence Day is, if you have one.

Ani
For independence for yourself.

Brian
Exactly.

Ani
Yeah, which is what we’re going to be talking about today. Then when we’re done talking, Brian and I are going to go jump in the lake because that’s what we do for fourth of July.

Brian
I’ve got my picnic shirt on.

Ani
Is that why you wear that?

Brian
I’ve got my cookout shirt.

Ani
Nice. It’s actually a big family holiday because we live on Lake Champlain in the Adirondacks, and everybody comes up to the house, and we spend time hanging out in the lake, hoping it’s not too cold because that happens some days.

Brian
It does. Sometimes it’s hot outside and the lake is like a- It’s freezing. Ice cubes.

Ani
Yeah, and sometimes it’s warm. And who knows? It just depends on which way the wind blows that day.

Brian
We just don’t know. Anyway. Here we are today to talk about an independence of sorts.

Ani
Independence of self.

Brian
Independence of self and of sorts. Exactly. How can coaches help clients to declare their independence from lower emotional states?

Ani
I think this is something a lot of people really, really want. They don’t want to feel angry. They don’t want to feel helpless. They don’t like it, Brian, Sam I am.

Brian
Yeah. That’s a lot of the work that obviously we do at the Somatic Coaching Academy. With somatic coaching, is to help people shift and change their emotional states into more productive, more pleasant, more fill in the adjective, fill in the blank after that. Yeah.

Ani
And one of the ways we actually do that is by helping people to, first of all, understand how to work with their sensations rather than their emotions, which is very different than how a lot of people go about dealing with emotions. And we also do it by modifying sensations. I think that’s really important because I remember for myself, years ago, back in the day, I used to want to rid myself of a negative emotion or try to eradicate it, blow it up, put it in a box, stuff it in the closet. But I knew this stuffing in the closet wasn’t going to work, but I didn’t want to look at it, and I didn’t want to feel it, all of these things. But actually learning how to modify has been a really powerful part of that independence process for me because it helps me to understand that I actually do have empowerment, specifically around my sensations.

Brian
Yeah. And that’s what I love so much about the work that we do. It’s a really practical way to help people make that leap from what we would call maybe a lower emotional state to a higher emotional state.

Ani
You’re sounding judgy here. There’s certain emotions that are low, and there’s certain amount of emotions that are high.

Brian
Yeah, there’s not a sense of judgment around it.

Ani
I’m just wondering where you’re getting that information from.

Brian
Where I’m coming that from. Well, we’re going to share a framework in just a second that I find has been really, really helpful in my work personally and also my work professionally with clients over time. Some people that really resonate with it, if you want to just-

Ani
Is that a keyword?

Brian
Seeding that word in there.

Ani
Write the keyword down, everybody. It’s resonating.

Brian
Because a lot of times, what I notice working with clients, and with myself as well, that there may be a tendency, let’s say, to experience a particular emotional level or state. Even sometimes, if we feel like we can shift it, it feels like we get dragged back into it again. It almost feels like a black hole. There’s a lot of inertia. No matter what we do, we get pulled back into it. We might have some opportunities where we experience something different, then we get pulled back in again. I don’t want to say default because that’s not really what it is so much, but there’s an anchored state that we tend to spend most of our time in if we’re not really trying to do something different.

Ani
I like the word inertia because that resonates for me in what you’re talking about. There’s some states that just…It feels like full of inertia, and they’re hard to get myself out of. But I think what I’m hearing you say is getting yourself out of these baseline states. It just can be really tough.

Brian
Yeah. It can feel really tough. It can feel really tough. When we are in those states, it’s not only our emotions that are a part of that state, but it’s also the way we’re thinking about things, certainly the way we perceive the world is colored and informed by those states. You might even say that our consciousness, the way we experience consciousness, is informed by those states.

Ani
Yeah. What you’re saying about perceiving reality, which sounds… When we’re looking at the world and we’re perceiving reality, there’s this element of “it is like that”. So it’s even funny to talk about, right? Because when we’re perceiving reality, we don’t know that’s how it is. But have you ever had the instance where something’s really bugging you? It’s like, Oh, this is what’s happening. And then all of a sudden, either you feel better or something happens, it lightens it up. And it’s the same thing that’s happening, but all of a sudden, it’s not such a big deal anymore. I think that’s interesting from behind our own eyes. But also, you and I, of course, being life and business partners, this happens all the time with us, where we’re looking at the same exact thing, and I’m perceiving it one way, and you’re perceiving it a different way. And I’m like “Why don’t you see what I see?” Or you would say to me, “Why don’t you see what I see?” But we’re actually experiencing reality different.

Brian
Yeah. And so there’s no judgment around that at all. And maybe we can also say that when we are emotionally experiencing those things differently, and when we are thinking about those things differently, when we are perceiving that same thing differently, might we say that we are coming at it from two different levels of consciousness? Sure. If we think about how we feel, how we think, how we perceive, if we bundle that all into the idea of consciousness, which I think is probably a fair way to think about it.

Ani
I think it’s an easy way – It’s a practical way to conceptualize something that’s very difficult to talk about. Yeah.

Brian
I know for me, working with clients and with myself, I’d be curious to how you relate to this, but some of the most profound changes that I’ve seen clients make is when they have what you might call a leap in consciousness. It’s when there’s a very clear movement from one level of consciousness to another level of consciousness. It’s not just like an emotion changes, but their perception changes, the way they’re thinking about it changes, the way they relate to everything changes. Not just that thing that they are struggling with, but everything in their whole reality, they relate to it differently when they have a leap in consciousness.

Ani
Yeah, I think one of the most interesting things about watching people go through that is this element of not even remembering how things were before. But of course, we’re watching and helping and guiding and whatever. And I just had this happen the other day where a client showed up for a client session, and we did some real major work on perceiving their reality different and shifting their level of being, their level of consciousness. And now they showed up to a session, and they couldn’t even remember. It was like a distant memory around the thing. It was really, really big for them. And then it’s totally different. And they’re like, Oh, yeah, that thing. I barely even remember that. But they had to be reminded because all of a sudden, you’re just in this new place. Yeah, right.

Brian
So that’s, I think, hallmark of change or shift in consciousness. Totally.

Ani
It’s wild watching it. It’s just so fun.

Brian
yeah, it’s really amazing. One of the models that I love to use comes from a classic work of written literature by Dr. David Hawkins called Power versus Force. You’re familiar with Power versus Force? I know you’ve read it because the copy I’m reading right here-

Ani
Does it have my name on it?

Brian
Has all of your lines and highlights in it. It’s one of our shared books where we steal it back and forth from each other’s offices. Right now, it’s taking up-time in my office. It’s leasing space in my office. Exactly. We have books that go back and forth. It’s like, “Where’d that book go?” You’ve got some of my books in your office. I know. I’m watching you. I know where they go. Sort of thing. But I love the model of this work that Dr. David Hawkins talks about. So David Hawkins does a lot of work around kinesiology, muscle testing, and has done testing with thousands and thousands of thousands of people, creating what are called logometric measures or levels of vibration or levels of resonance for certain states of consciousness. And he’s got a really useful map in the middle of the book called this Map of Consciousness.

Ani
That’s so good. I actually do use it quite a bit with myself and my clients.

Brian
Yeah, it’s a great… I’m not sure it’ll show up on the camera here or not, probably won’t very well. But that’s what it looks like right there. And so on the camera, we’re seeing a map of consciousness on the book.

Ani
You could Google it.

Brian
You can find it on your own. But this is a map I love to use to help people declare their independence from lower emotional states. So that when a client can see themselves on this map, then it puts their emotional spirits in context to other potential emotional experiences. And it also gives us a framework of a ladder of how to climb. Right.

Ani
That’s one thing I really like about it.

Brian
Because so many people are like, listen, let’s look on the map of consciousness here is a lower state of consciousness. The lowest one is shame. When we experience shame, we are resonating at 20, a logometric measure of 20. Then what I love about the map, too, he’s got an emotion that goes with each one of these levels, the process that’s going on in a person, the life view, the universal view or God view that’s happening at that level. You can find exactly, dial in where you’re experiencing. But if someone has been experiencing shame at a 20, the motion associated with that is humiliation, shame and humiliation. A lot of people are like, “Listen, I just want joy in my life. I just want joy in my life”. That’s a great aspirational thing to have. However, we look at joy on the map is like 540. It’s like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 levels above shame. That aspirational desire to have joy, which is wonderful, is also almost impossible to get to directly from shame, which creates more shame. Exactly. That’s how shame works.

Brian
I mean, that’s part of the shame’s game. The shame game does that. It’s like, wish for something really big that you’ll never have when you can never get it, and then you can have more shame.

Ani
It’s like shoots and ladders, Brian. In shoots and ladders, it’s like one ladder that goes all the way to the top, and there’s one shoot that goes all the way down. But that’s a really far way. Most people have to take step by step. Step by step. Yeah. And that’s not what we hear out there on Instagram and stuff, by the way. It’s like, ‘Claim your joy, be in joy’. And a lot of the clients that we work with, they’re not there. They’ve got some stuff going on, and you have to deal with it so you can move up the ladder.

Brian
Yeah. Can I share some… I know it’s Independence Day, and so we’re supposed to be happy and enjoying the picnic, but I wouldn’t be Brian without bringing a little bit of lemonade on this party, and not the sweet lemonade. Anyway, if I could just share just a couple of statistics from the book, because what I think it does, it could feel like a little, “Oh, man, we are really in trouble here”. But at the same time, I think knowledge is a foundation for power. Let me put it that way. I don’t think knowledge itself is power, but it’s a foundation for power. We can take off from when we know where we’re starting from. In the map of consciousness, what he talks about is that at about 200, a resonant level of 200 is where we move from a positive or empowering emotional state away from something that is more one of those inertia states that keeps pulling us back down or a negative or destructive state. There’s a tipping point between the two. I’m not, again, not placing a value judgment on here. If we just say that certain emotional states actually are life-giving energetically.

Brian
They give you more fuel and give you more life. There’s other emotional states that are life-draining. They take energy away. So whatever one that anybody wants to experience is perfectly fine with me. That’s okay.

Ani
And that’s being human, too, by the way.

Brian
That’s being human, sure. But I think a lot of the people that we work with, they have a desire. They want to experience emotional states that are more life-giving rather than life-taking. And on this level, about this resonance of 200 is the breaking point of where you move from a emotional state that is life-draining into one that’s more life-giving. That line is, I think, fascinating to work with because the book was written in 1995. What Hawkins says, so at least in 1995, and by looking around the world, I don’t think these probably numbers have changed very much. If anything, they’ve maybe slid down a little bit just by looking at what’s happening. But he’s saying that 85% of the human race, 85% of the human race on the planet is below 200. It exists in emotional states that are life-draining, not life-giving.

Ani
I’m really interested to see these statistics now because as you’re saying, I’ll bet they’ve slid down a little bit. Part of me is like, Yeah, I bet. And then part of me is like, Yeah, there’s probably a lot of people are resonating higher, too, which we can talk about later.

Brian
Yeah. So here’s how the numbers work. So you have to understand how logarithmic scales work. So 85% of the population is resonating below 200, but the overall average human resonance is 207, so a little bit above. Now, the highest scale is 1,000. So that’s still like there’s a lot of room above that 200, but the break-even point is at that 200. You might think, how does that work if 85% of people are below 200, but the average is 207, only 15% of the population is above 200. How does it work?

Ani
It takes less people in that higher resonance to actually counteract.

Brian
Exactly. Because the higher the level of resonance, the more it’s worth, if you will, the more power it has, the more influence it has over the whole average, just like a weighted scale. The higher up the scale you go the more energy that the system has. So only 4% of humans on the planet resonate above 500 in ’95, and 0.4% above 540, or something like that. To resonate above 100 is like one in 10 million people. So there’s not many people resonating at that level. But when I read this book for the first time over a decade ago, what really occurred to me is that if we can just move our level of resonance up just one level, you can have a profound impact on hundreds of other people around the globe that you’ve never met before. It’s not just like if you’re resonating at 400, it’s not the people you meet in the grocery store. It’s not just the people in your neighborhood that you’re affecting. It’s actually energetically, it’s people all over the globe. You can ease suffering in Bangladesh or in Africa or in Europe, or I mean, obviously, I’m located in the States or in Nebraska, from just elevating your own level of resonance, your own level of consciousness, moving it up that scale.

Ani
This is actually one of the big reasons that when we started certifying people, that we’ve always run intimate smaller group programs really well. I love the idea that we could deeply impact a relatively small group of people’s lives because of this information, knowing that we don’t have to reach everybody. But when we reach five people, 10 people, 20 people, 40 people a year, we’re making a massive difference in the resonance of the planet. We talk about this with the students sometimes because our students develop these really deep relationships with their cohorts that they go through. They’re often not near each other in proximity. And we talk about how it’s actually important that we are not all living in the Adirondacks in New York together, even though we joke about that, having a little community where we all live together. It’s actually important that we’re spread out over the globe because that is where we need to be to keep increasing the resonance all over the place. Yeah.

Brian
And so thank you so much for bringing that up, Ani. And I love those consistent reminders for myself that what we love to do, what I love to do, is just the deeper work with people. Because I know that if we can help one, two, three people really change deeply, it has a massive impact around the globe.

Ani
Yeah. This work, really, I keep in mind all the time, actually. At the end of my day, when I’ve had three or four phone calls with people, and I know that they’re changing their level of consciousness. We’re not just helping them to have a better day, which is great, or to meet a goal, which is great. We’re helping people to change their level of consciousness. I feel very fulfilled and on purpose at the end of the day, knowing that I had three or four or five calls with people who are changing their level of consciousness and the ripple effects and the massive impact that that makes in global consciousness. Yes. I know it without a doubt.

Brian
Yeah. A lot of the people again, that we’re working with are really trying to get over that 200 hump, right? Maybe not a lot of people, but I think that’s the inertia. I get pulled back below that level. We want to get over that hump.

Ani
I think as I’ve witnessed it, Brian, I think a lot of people actually want to be at the higher states of consciousness, but they wrestle right around that line. That’s exactly what you’re saying. Yeah. And they want to get up higher. Actually, that’s one of the things that I appreciate so much about the sensation-based model that we use, tied in with the natural laws of the universe. Because when people learn the natural laws of the universe, married with the sensation-based approach, they are actually living at that higher place of consciousness in a way that… Because I’ve used this method for years and years and then watch different people who use different methodologies. And they can help people to bridge that line gap and maybe hover right about at or over the line. But it is very rare person who I’ve seen been able to transcend up into the higher levels sustainably without using a sensation-based approach.

Brian
Correct. Yeah, I would agree. 100%. Can we talk just a little bit of how we might use a sensation approach to just walk up these levels? Yeah, sure. So just going to label these bottom levels for a second. So we’re going to talk about shame is at the bottom, and then above that is guilt, and then above that is apathy, and then above that is grief, and then above that is fear, and then above that is desire, and then anger, and then pride. Pride is the top emotion that drains energy. But pride is a goal. It’s the highest of the lowest. But pride is a goal if you consistently experience anger, desire, fear, grief, apathy, guilt, or shame. Actually, walking up towards that pride. Now, one of the things he talks about in the book is that actually where we are in human evolution at this point is pride is where we’re stuck. Because pride has a lot to do with black and white thinking, mine, yours, battling over egos, battling over territory, wars. That’s all based on the energy of pride. The next step above pride is courage.

Brian
And courage is where we’re actually looking at ourselves, where we look at our own flaws, our own faults. We have courage to change. We have courage to say, I’m sorry. We have courage to negotiate. We have courage to look at the benefit of every break… And that’s why it happens at that level. Let’s just talk about two of the emotions. So let’s just pick two here. So let’s say grief. Let’s say someone’s in a constant or a chronic level of grief, which is resonating at 75, and the primary emotion is regret associated with grief. Someone might be like, Hey, I’m experiencing grief, but I want joy. Listen, it’s a big jump. How about we focus, actually, believe it or not, on fear as the next level up, which is 100. The emotion with that is anxiety. Some people might be listening to this and being like, ‘What are you talking about? Those people are crazy. Anxiety is no better than experiencing regret thing’. From an energetic level. From an energetic standpoint, it’s actually much more advantageous to experience anxiety rather than regret.

Ani
Yeah, it’s so counterintuitive. I have to say to people sometimes, ‘Would you just trust me? He hired me for a reason. Would you just trust me?’ Because it really works so well.

Brian
Yeah, it does. But it’s counterintuitive. It’s counterintuitive. From a sensation-based methodology, what I love to do with people is to deconstruct the emotion at the level someone’s currently operating at, let’s say, grief. We actually deconstruct and work with and de-energize regret. By de-energize, I mean we just release our attachment to it, to experiencing that. Then we actually will use sensation-based methodology to stimulate anxiety. We’re deconstructing and diffusing the emotion at the current energy level the current level or the sensations that are associated with the emotion at the current energy level. Then we’re also modifying our sensations to the next level up. It would actually be stimulating something that would feel more anxiety activating because anxiety has more energy in it than grief and regret does. Grief and regret has a lot of inertia. It just feels like you’re getting sucked down, where anxiety actually is more activated, not super comfortable. Nobody really, I don’t think, likes to experience anxiety, but it’s on the path to the next one up, which would be experiencing actually desire is the next one up.

Ani
That’s interesting. I haven’t used it like that before, but that’s really neat. You given me something to think about. Usually when I use this, I actually will go right for that next emotion. It’s similar, actually, to what you’re saying, but have somebody actually conceptualize it as an emotion, and then they’re like, Wait, what? Or whatever, and then actually have them feel the sensation-based approach from there. Because with a lot of these states, people are trying to suppress and not feel things. Correct. And one of the things that we do so well is allow people to feel the thing that they don’t want to feel safely, and not just safely, but in not such a massive way so that it’s titrated. And then they can experience it. It’s safe. It doesn’t have to be such a big deal. It’s not like dragging the demons out of the closet.

Brian
Yeah. And again, I love what you’re connecting with here, especially when we come from the idea that we work with the sensations, not the emotions. And when you do that on a regular basis, eventually, people will have an experience of, ‘Oh, wait, the emotion is just a pattern. It’s just pattern. It really depends on how attached I am to the story that goes with that pattern’. If we can help people have an embodied experience of deconstructing the pattern, that’s how people can declare their independence from their lower emotional states. Yeah.

Ani
So when I think about what you’re saying here, there are some people who, and I have at times I’ve been able to do this myself, just been able to snap from an emotion to an emotion. But eventually, as humans, we will get stuck somewhere with an emotion because of the storyline and narrative associated with it. And so, yes, sometimes we can use the emotional content to help us change to where we want to go. However, at some point that won’t work or it won’t be sustainable 100% of the time. So when you know how to use a sensation-based approach, it actually will be effective 100% of the time. We have found that because there’s that storyline and narrative associated with the emotion. And to be honest, i want to be able to experience the higher states of consciousness and not necessarily be attached to the storyline and the narrative at that stage either.

Brian
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Because the higher we actually move up the states of consciousness, the more natural shedding of attachment to anything that we’re experiencing happens. That’s a correlative to these higher states of awareness. It’s actually just letting go of the attachment to it.

Ani
Which is what we’re doing with a sensation-based approach. Exactly. People get used to being able to unattach, unhook from the narrative using a sensation-based approach, which actually helps them to move up into the higher state of consciousness anyway. Can I tell you, my very favorite way to use this. I’ve used it a number of times. Very, very helpful. I still use it today. Now it’s just easier because I’ve done it a bunch of times. For me, I’m a person who guilts the general flavor of what happens when I’m challenging limiting beliefs or my conditioning and stuff like that. So I can get caught up down here with the fear, grief place and guilt really drags me down. But for me, when I find myself lingering in those lower states, one of the things I remember a lot is how important anger is because it has that fuel. And I allow myself to be angry. And I’m saying that for anybody who’s listening, who has any feelings, shame, guilt, whatever it is, about the fact that you feel angry sometimes. I’ve literally had clients come to me, and when I say, What do you want to work on?

Ani
They I don’t want to feel angry anymore. Well, okay, so you’re a human being. I don’t know that that’s a reasonable goal. However, it can help you to feel angry less, and we can help to work with anger. But there’s so much societal crap around anger. And I’ve come to really appreciate anger on so many levels, but I can use it to help me bridge. And then from there, move from anger to something else. But it really has been.. Because I can feel that in my blood. It feels like fuel.

Brian
Yeah, there’s more energy. Exactly. Exactly.

Ani
Then those lower levels. There’s more energy so I can feel those sensations and help it move so I can keep going.

Brian
Yeah. And you’re 100 % right. When you look at the map of consciousness, if you look at the very lowest levels, like shame, guilt, apathy, and grief, they’re all very heavy, very de-energized. They can be really hard to get out of. Yeah, very stuck, right? Like you’re stuck in quicksand. And then as you go up higher, fear desire, anger, those are more energized states. They really are. Yeah. So anger can be a great springboard. If you can get to anger, be a great springboard, then to go to pride, and then boom, courage is just the next step above that. It’s right there. It’s not that far. So you’re just going up a little bit farther. And then after that, every level higher than that, there’s an exponential increase in your level of resonance. So part of it, too, is if you think about it, if this were a ladder, at the lower end, the steps between the ladder are very close. It’s like little step, little step, little step, little step. You might be like, I’m not getting anywhere. Then once you get to 200, now it’s like you’re stretching between steps, and every step is a bigger jump.

Brian
Every step is a bigger leap because of the way that the numbers start to exponentially increase going up. You can start at the bottom, I guess, take refuge in the idea that they’re little steps. Take little steps, little steps, get some momentum. And as you get higher, the bigger leaps of consciousness start to come forward. Yeah.

Ani
And like I said in the beginning, it’s so much fun to watch within myself and with clients when you change your level of resonance and everything changes and to watch that happen for people and then have them be like, Yeah, what do you mean? This is just how I am. Yes. It’s so good.

Brian
Cool. Thanks so much for the conversation today, Ani. I so appreciate our conversation on the levels of consciousness and the emotional integration around those and what do we do about it.

Ani
So much fun.

Brian
I feel I’m looking my level of resonance is already growing. I’m in bliss right now.

Ani
I’m resonating at the frequency of the lake. It’s time to go jump in and have a picnic.

Brian
Jump in the lake. All right, everybody. Hope you have an amazing rest of your day. Thanks for joining us on this week’s Somatic Coaching Academy podcast. Bye bye.

Ani
See you next time.

Get started today!

Start your Somatic Coach Training Journey by Unlocking Human Potential… Our students always say, “I wish I had started sooner!”

Click to Unlock Human Potential