Transcript

Ani
Hi, and welcome to the Somatic Coaching Academy podcast. Hello, Brian. Hey, Ani. Did you realise that it’s December 11th, and we’re on episode 111?

Brian
Amazing. Just incredible.

Ani
We have a team member, Janice. She is going to flip.

Brian
Slipping out right now. About that. Janice, this episode is for you because of the 11s.

Ani
Angel numbers for Janice.

Brian
That’s right. Okay, so we just figured that out as we were doing the recording, so that’s pretty cool.

Ani
Episode 111.

Brian
Yeah, look what’s in store for next year. We got the elevens going.

Ani
Hey, before we get started, Brian, did I ask you how you are? You good?

Brian
You don’t care. You never ask me how I am. I’ve been I wanted to bring that up with you, actually.

Ani
I’m on a mission this morning. But hey, before we get rolling, I want to address an elephant in the room. Okay. If you’ve been watching our YouTube channel or if you get our newsletters, if you’re on our mailing list and you get our weekly digest that have the podcast on the digest, you’ll notice that our pictures are on there. Or is it really our picture?

Brian
Is it really us?

Ani
Is it really our pictures? So I just want to address this here for everybody. Yes, we have some stand-ins who are doing our pictures for us right now. Connie and Ryan. We’re standing in for Ani and Brian. Brian, nobody has said to me, Why are you using AI-generated photos for your photos? But I already have my rebuttal all mapped out. Okay.

Brian
So this is your prebuttal?

Ani
Yeah, it is. It’s my prebuttal. Just in case you were thinking it, but you haven’t said anything to us about it. Hey, if you haven’t seen them, go over to YouTube and check them out because part of the reason that we have them is because I decided instead of spending thousands of dollars on a photoshoot for us to do a million funny things that we could put on YouTube, thumbnails, I’d rather put that money back into our community and our programs. Also the time spent to do those kinds of things I’d rather spend with our community and in our programming or basically anything else. But the real reason that Connie and Ryan are there doing our AI-generated thumbnails is I think they’re It’s so much fun.

Brian
We’re just really having a good time. It’s a lot of fun.

Ani
Funny. Did you see the one a few weeks ago where you looked like you were levitating? It was the body scan meditation one. I was cracking up as our team was putting those together. It looked like you got light coming out from underneath of you.

Brian
Well, that was the picture they took me in the morning when I’m doing my morning practice.

Ani
They’re there because I think they’re hilarious.

Brian
Yeah, and you got to see the ones we discard. Those are really, really good. The ones that don’t make the cut are even better than the ones that do make the cut.

Ani
They almost look like us, but the biggest problem with them is actually that the AI will not make you and I the same size. It constantly makes you just a little bit taller than me, and we’re actually the same exact height. Right now, it might look like Brian is just a smidgen taller than me if you’re watching us on YouTube, because his torso is a little bit longer. My legs a little bit longer than his. But our AI people, the guy is just a little bit taller.

Brian
Maybe it’s tracking our energy fields. My energy field is a little taller. Must be it.

Ani
Okay.

Brian
Well, let’s get into the topic for today.

Ani
Thanks for humoring me about it.

Brian
All right, so today’s The topic, everybody, is the 10 insidious ways that confidence issues are undermining your success.

Ani
They are rampant.

Brian
Yeah. So confidence- Wait, 10?

Ani
We’re going to cover It’s 10.

Brian
Oh, wow. It’s going to be like speed covering here today. Got you. Yeah. We’ve done past podcasts on imposter syndrome. Look at Ani’s eyes, they’re twitching right now. We don’t like that term imposter syndrome. It’s made up. It’s a syndrome which sounds medical, like you have a medical problem.

Ani
The fact is we pathologicalize, what’s the right way to say that, ourselves all the time in ways it’s not healthy. I’m not going to get on a major soapbox about it.

Brian
You did a past episode on it. You can go back and listen to the whole soapbox on the one we did on imposter syndrome in the past. I did a webinar a few weeks ago on imposter syndrome, actually. We had a bunch of people come to the webinar. One of the questions I asked was, how do you know you’re experiencing imposter syndrome? What does it actually look like, feel like, smell like, all those kinds of things?

Ani
What does it smell like?

Brian
I don’t know. But it smells something It’s different to everybody, I suppose. But people listed out all these traits and experience they’re having that really all link back to having a confidence issue.

Ani
And part of the reason that we called the webinar something about imposter syndrome is because so many people talk about it, Brian. Yeah.

Brian
Wow. Yeah. So let’s dig right in here because we got 10 of these things we’re going to cover. And you might not realize that these insidious things that show up in your life are actually linked back to confidence. So First, let’s just talk about true confidence. Let’s talk about how we talk about confidence. Because a lot of people talk about confidence by something that you have, like I have confidence or I don’t have confidence. From a bioenergetic natural loss standpoint, none of us have confidence. None of us own confidence. Confidence is something you tap into. Confidence is something that flows through everything. If you look in nature, trees are the epitome of confidence. They just keep growing. Grass is confident. Grass will just keep growing, keep expanding, keep expressing itself.

Ani
How about that grass that’s growing through the concrete down our road?

Brian
Yeah, right? Yeah, flowers. Flowers grow through macabre. It’s crazy. They just bust through these things. The animals are confident because they just keep finding food and looking for mates and reproducing. Nature is the most confident thing around. If you just look at it, nothing stops nature from expressing itself. If If you think about confidence, that’s what confidence really is. It’s the ability to express yourself fully and freely.

Ani
And unapologetically.

Brian
And unapologetically. Confidence isn’t something that you have or don’t have. It’s something you tap into. The big problem really is that we have blocks in our bioenergetic system, aka our subconscious mind, that do not allow us to tap into and allow the flow of life force energy. The energy that flows through everything in the universe, everything in nature. There’s an energy flowing through everything, animating everything. When you know how to tap into that energy, then you will be in the flow of confidence. Now, right now-Unblock the flow. Unblock the flow. The confidence is trying to flow through you right now, but you’re blocking it. You’ve switched off the doorways. When you switch off those doorways of flow through you, it shows up in specific ways in your lives. You might not even realize that these Those are the ways it shows up.

Ani
Then people try to solve those problems when it’s not actually the problem. The problem is that you’re blocking your confidence flow.

Brian
Exactly. The cool thing is that however meant… As we’re going through these 10, just like Put a little checkmark on a piece of paper of how many of these show up in your life on a regular basis. Because you could try to chase each one of these around and fix each one of them. You might be able to fix one of them, but then you still have six others of that are still there. If you just unblock the flow of natural confidence, you’ll fix all of them instantaneously.

Ani
I think that’s one of the reasons, Brian, that people are constantly running around, trying to fix themselves and fix problems. It seems like this never-ending pursuit and one of the things that I’ve heard people say is, My gosh, it’s just like one thing after the next. One of the reasons for that is because you’re trying to fix the superficial issues rather than coming down to the core issues. The core issue is always going to express itself, and it will find Find different disguises.

Brian
Find different ways to do it. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so let’s jump right in. The first insidious way is stress. You might be like, Well, that makes sense, but is that really a confidence issue? I mean, there’s things outside of me that are stressful. My kids are stressing me out. My partner is stressing me out. My job is stressing me out. The current political situation is stressing me out. The weather is stressing me out.

Ani
That’s stressing me out.

Brian
We think that things outside of us stress us out. But the truth is, is that Stress is something you experience inside of you, not outside of you.

Ani
Stress is perceptual-based.

Brian
It activates a physiological response. Stress is a physiological response. In other words, your muscles get tight, your breathing gets faster, your blood pressure increases.

Ani
Well, this comes back to that idea that our emotions are caused by external circumstances. Because when we think that, we’re always going to be victim to our emotions. And we could say that stress is an emotion for a second. Yeah, totally. Right? And so that’s not actually how it works scientifically. Correct. So having that understanding of how emotions, stress, really work, we understand that this is a construct creation within It’s all in ourselves.

Brian
We do have a stress response when, as Ani pointed out, you perceive a threat. You could perceive that threat consciously or subconsciously, it doesn’t matter. But if you’re having a stress response, how often do you have stress responses to By the way, I’m just curious. Most experts will tell us that you have about 9: 00 to 12 chronic stress episodes a day, which are like little stress episodes. You’re not being chased by a tiger 9: 00 to 12 times a day. Your car won’t start. You’re running late for work. The kids need to get to the sports. You don’t have enough money to pay for groceries. Those types of things create stressors during the day, and those stressors add up. Every time you have a chronic stress response, you are perceiving some type of threat.

Ani
The stress response was created for us as humans a long time ago when we were getting chased by tigers. But now we’ve got these perceptual threats and when we’re not working at the level of our perceptions.

Brian
When life force energy is not flowing through you adequately and you have blocks in your system, what that means is that you will not be able to… Actually, it works on two levels. First level is you will not be able to respond. Excuse me, you will not be able to respond adequately to whatever it is outside of you that you perceive as threatening. You will not be able to respond adequately to your kids or your partner or your work or whatever it is going on. That will actually create more stress for you because you’re actually not responding in a way that actually remediates the problem.

Ani
It usually just keeps perpetuating the problem.

Brian
That’s one thing. But really, the deeper thing about Stress is that what’s really being threatened when you have a stress response is an underlying belief about yourself or about the world. That basically relates to not being confident. Because we have some type of limiting belief that’s somewhere in our bioenergetic system that’s being consistently threatened by the outside world. A limiting belief is really a block in your system that is not allowing life force energy to flow through it. It’s on It’s two levels. You can’t respond to what’s going on because you don’t have enough life force energy. Also, just the pure fact that you have limiting belief about it to begin with that’s being threatened also tells you that you do not have a good healthy flow of life force energy.

Ani
Well, just the idea that life force energy or confidence exists outside of us thing is a limiting belief that blocks our life force energy.

Brian
Stress is the first one. Regular chronic stress that you experience, if you’re saying more than Probably once a month or so that you’re feeling really stressed, you’ve got a confidence issue. All right, so what’s another one? Hey, here’s a good one. You don’t want to inconvenience people or waste their time. Okay, so imagine that you are a coach, maybe you’re a consultant, perhaps you own your own business, or if you work in a company and you have other people that you work with, your boss, your colleagues, have you ever found yourself saying, Oh, I don’t want to bring up this issue with them because I don’t want to inconvenience them. I don’t want to ask them to work with me or ask them to meet with me because I don’t want to inconvenience them or waste their time.

Ani
It happens at home, too. I mean, people don’t want to inconvenience family members I’m not going to bring this up to my in-laws, my brother, my partner, whatever. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Brian
Basically, what that shows is that if you don’t want to inconvenience other people or waste their time, what that means is that you have a perception that your time is worth less other people’s time.

Ani
Yeah. I’m just thinking about a lot of ways this comes up personally, and I don’t want to inconvenience. It’s like something matters to us, but we think we’re inconveniencing somebody else. Obviously, that means that we’re worth less than them.

Brian
Exactly, yeah. That’s obviously a block in the system. When we’re going through the world experiencing a sense of worthlessness. I like to… Worthlessness can be a one word. I break it down into three words because I think that one word, it invites too much erosion of our self, of our identity, of our healthy ego. Let’s just say healthy ego. But if we say that we’re experiencing worth lessness, then we’re looking at in relation to other people in our world that we feel like they’re more valuable than we are in some level. That’s a confidence issue.

Ani
Well, yeah, because the trees are worth just as much as we’re worth, just as much as the squirrels are worth, just all of us have life force energy flowing through us. Actually, we’re all worth the same.

Brian
All worth the same. All humans are worth the same. If you feel like you’re worth less, that’s a problem. Okay, what’s number three? Number three is you reject yourself before someone else can.

Ani
What does that look like?

Brian
That looks like, let’s again, say you’re a coach running programs. You have a program that you’ve created and you want to invite people, but you’re going through your list of invites and you’re like, No, not that person. They wouldn’t come. Oh, not that person. They wouldn’t want to do it. Oh, not that person. They’re doing these other things. Oh, not. What we’re doing is you’re going through and you might think, logically, that you have some reason why you’re not going to send that invite to somebody. But really what you’re doing is you’re rejecting yourself before someone else can reject you.

Ani
Yeah. It also might look like you have different initiatives you want to do, programs you want to run, you want to speak, or things like that, and you end up procrastinating or doing the laundry or binge watching Netflix or something like that instead of doing the programs. You’re not even thinking about it, but really, you’re rejecting yourself rather than being able to do the things that you really want to do. Yeah.

Brian
You might have a It’s a whole program waiting. I’ve met people who have PhDs, Ani, in these kinds of things and are licensed professionals, and they have amazing things to share in the world, but they just will not do it. They’re literally rejecting themselves before someone else can reject them. That is a confidence issue. That’s a serious confidence issue.

Ani
It happens all the time.

Brian
All the time. Okay. Oh, this is a big one. You tolerate problem for longer than it takes to really do something to fix it.

Ani
What does toleration look like?

Brian
You may even know you have a confidence issue. You may even have had some of these other things. Maybe you experience chronic stress and you’re like, I just wish I could figure out this chronic stress stuff. Maybe you know that you are rejecting yourself before sending stuff out. Maybe you know that when you go to give a talk or a presentation, your legs get wobbly and you feel undermined and you never ask for what you really want. You’re not really giving a strong call to action to enlist people in your programs. Maybe it’s that at home, you’re not really asking for what you want. It can show up in so many different ways. Think about any problem that you’ve had for any significant amount of time.

Ani
I just want to bring up the home thing because I think it’s really significant. Problems with partners that you’re not talking about, afraid to tell people how you feel afraid to ask for the help that you need.

Brian
Yeah. So think about a problem like that you’ve had for a really long time. Now, how long have you been tolerating that problem?

Ani
Tolerating the problem. Now, part of the problem, too, is that Like you said, people will do little things that don’t really solve the problem.

Brian
Now, this is really insidious. Again, people may know that they have a problem. Maybe it’s a money problem, maybe it’s a time and organization problem, maybe it’s a business problem. Maybe it’s a business problem, maybe it’s a life problem, maybe it’s a relationship problem, maybe it’s a health problem. It could be any one of those problems. You do little things. You read a book, maybe you go to a virtual workshop, maybe you do some webinars, maybe you join a little support group or something like that. You do little stuff, and it doesn’t really seem to move the needle. You’re hopeful when you sign up for the thing, maybe you’re doing the thing and it feels like, Oh, maybe something’s changing, and then nothing really changes or moves the needle dramatically.

Ani
As a mom, I’m thinking about how overburdened I felt at home, doing all the chores, driving the kids around, and then finally starting to carpool sometimes with the kids. And yet it really didn’t move the needle. I still feel super stressed out as a mom. It’s almost like you release something and then something else comes up and takes its place. So maybe I’m not driving the kids to school, but then I’ve got more work to do at the office or something comes in and hijacks the time.

Brian
Yeah. So the thing is that you may have tried to find some small ways to solve your problem, and it doesn’t really move the needle. Now, this is the really insidious thing about this, is that your subconscious is agreeing to the small things to try to change the problem so that your conscious mind feels like you’re doing something, but your subconscious chooses the thing specifically that will not change or move the needle so that it can validate your current level of insufficiency. You fill in the blank here. Incompetence, inability, deficit, whatever it is.

Ani
People are now pressing that 10 second back button. What the heck was that? To hear what you just said. Our subconscious actually convinces us to go do those things that aren’t going to move the needle.

Brian
Because It knows it will move it. Again, it does that not only because it knows it won’t change things, because the subconscious mind, of course, wants to protect its current programming, but the even deeper problem is it does it. It validates for you, your your current level of dysfunction so that you can say, See, I am not fixable. I am broken. This will not change. No matter what I do, it’s not going to change.

Ani
It validates that core belief that I’m broken.

Brian
The core limiting or limiter that you’re broken.

Ani
Right. And the subconscious mind is not evil. The subconscious mind’s job is to maintain efficiency in the system. And if you go messing stuff up, then it’s just not efficient, and the subconscious is going to have to expand a whole bunch of new energy. So the subconscious isn’t evil, right? But it might seem evil.

Brian
Well, it’s a genius, really. It’s really a genius in so many ways.

Ani
We are genius designs. We are such perfectly orchestrated designs.

Brian
Just think about how long have you been tolerating a problem? What have you done to try to help or fix the problem in any small way? Then have you ever beaten yourself up for not getting the results or fixing the problem in a way that you wanted to because you really didn’t do something to really fix the problem?

Ani
Brian’s saying small, but it could still be significant. You could have, I don’t know, joined a year long program or something like this to figure out how to have better time management, for example. But it’s not a time management problem. The core issue is the confidence problem.

Brian
It’s a confidence problem. The core issue is a confidence problem. That’s what you really have going on.

Ani
Yeah. It’s trying to fix these superficial things.

Brian
Okay, so we’re up to number five now. Number 5, insidious way that you have a confidence issue, undermining your success, is a persistent experience of lack. There’s never enough of something. Fill in the blank. Yeah. This can rotate around, by the way. Sometimes there’s never enough money, and then sometimes there’s never enough time, sometimes there’s never enough joy, sometimes there’s never enough energy, sometimes there’s never enough ease, maybe there’s not enough connection. Enough support. It doesn’t have to all be at once. They can rotate around. But somewhere in your daily experience, there’s not enough of something.

Ani
This reminds me of Mr. Potato head. When you change it and Mr. Potato head has a mustache, and then you take it off. Then it has a smiley face, and then you take it off. Then it has a cowboy hat, and then you take it off. It’s still Mr. Potato head.

Brian
It’s still lack. It’s still lack. It’s still lack. Yeah. I don’t know. Potatoes take that personally? We’re talking about a lack of potatoes.

Ani
Potatoes aren’t taking it personally because they have unlimited confidence.

Brian
That’s right. They do. There’s a lot of potatoes around. They take it for a big deal. They take it for confidence. They’re a big deal. Okay, so here’s the thing, gang. Look at your daily experience and ask yourself, in some way, shape, or form, every day, do you have an experience? That experience could be a sensation experience, could be thoughts. You could say there’s not enough of something, or you could behave in ways where there’s not enough of something. Somewhere in your experience, there’s lack on a daily basis. Not always the same thing, but lack is always there. That’s a confidence issue. That’s a confidence issue.

Ani
It doesn’t have to be like that. I hope you’re hearing that through all of these is like, sometimes you hear these things and you’re like, Oh, my gosh, Brian gets me. Yeah, but it doesn’t have to be like that. There’s another way.

Brian
Yeah. The reason that I get you and we get you is because we We’ve dealt with all of these things in our lives in some way, shape, or form. These are things that we’ve all worked through and to a large part, just have overcome a lot of these things and changed a lot of things because of the practices that we do and the way we approach the Okay, so number 6. This is a deep one. You ready?

Ani
I think you’ve said that about everyone.

Brian
There are really deep. Okay, so well, you tell me if this is deep or not. You have the need to be understood.

Ani
Oh, yeah, that’s a good one. That’s a deep one. That’s an owie, right? Yeah, but what does that look like?

Brian
Well, it looks like when you’re in a conversation with someone, especially someone that you feel like you’re maybe having a disagreement with or a conflict or something like that, that you have to really… You over-explain what it is that you’re experiencing to the other person so that they will understand you because you have this deep need to be understood rather than just saying what you want.

Ani
As a recovering person who needs to be understood, you also might not say things and try to make it obvious in other ways with huffing and puffing or over-performing, things like that. Yeah.

Brian
It could just be saying, They don’t understand me.

Ani
Or, Nobody gets me.

Brian
Nobody gets me. I understand. Nobody understands me. Something like that.

Ani
This also comes out in terms of reading a book, taking a course, getting a therapist, getting a coach, and having an experience where you find a reason to say, They don’t get me.

Brian
Now, with that, let’s say it’s really important, just from a social engagement perspective, that a person feels heard, seen, and validated for what their experience is in the moment. But that’s different than the need to be understood thing. That’s a confidence issue right there. Most people don’t see that when it’s so insidious.

Ani
I think the difference that you’re describing is it just keeps coming up. It’s a pattern.

Brian
Yeah, for sure. Okay, I’ve got another one, too, here. You ready? It’s a deep one. It’s a deep one on. It’s so good. This can show up, again, in life and/or in work, you’re overdelivering and expecting someone to reward you so that you don’t have to ask for it directly.

Ani
I’ve so done that so many times.

Brian
Right?

Ani
So many times with you.

Brian
Did I reward you? No. But you didn’t ask for it directly.

Ani
I didn’t because I used to think that if I asked for things directly, that it took it away somehow. My subconscious definitely told me that that was true because I would ask for something directly, and then I would feel so awful about it.

Brian
Yeah, but that’s a confidence problem.

Ani
I know what I had now.

Brian
When life force energy flows through you, you ask for it directly.

Ani
Because other people can’t read your mind.

Brian
Right, exactly. But if you’re not doing that, that’s a confidence issue. You try to get what you want by overdelivering, by overgiving, by over taking care of the kids, by over taking care of your family, by overdelivering on your clients, by the way. You have a client agreement and you’re overdelivering, overdelivering. You’re like, Why aren’t they doing all the things I’m trying so hard? I’m giving them so much.

Ani
At a really amazing rate.

Brian
Yeah, and they’re not doing it. Why aren’t they doing it? The thing is that you need them to appreciate all of your overgiving, and then you expect them to say, Oh, by the way, we’ll just pay you 10 times extra because you’re overgiving so much. It’s this weird expectation we get in our system because I’m trying really hard, so shouldn’t I be getting paid really a lot for it without asking?

Ani
And we were taught this by the people who raised us. Yeah.

Brian
So there you go. So that probably is another one that most people are like, I didn’t realize that I was doing that.

Ani
Confidence issue. Yeah.

Brian
Okay. I got another one. This is a deep one.

Ani
Man, Bryant the pain.

Brian
These are- We’re bringing the pain, Bryant. I’m bringing the pain I love, though. Because I don’t want you to experience this anymore, folks. You do not have to live like this.

Ani
You don’t have to live with the pain.

Brian
You don’t have to live with this pain. And you don’t have to tolerate these things going on again and again and again in your life. I tolerated them in my life way too long, and I don’t want you to tolerate them one day longer.

Ani
I think it’s interesting because chronic pain is where you had your roots. You started with physical chronic pain, and we’ve moved into also mental chronic pain. This is mental chronic pain, and we are holding ourselves in it.

Brian
Which can show up as physical chronic pain, too, by the way.

Ani
It can, especially when you let it last too long.

Brian
Exactly. Okay, so well, speaking of that- Next pain. Ready? Here’s the next pain. Feeling good is a waste of time.

Ani
Okay, so it doesn’t show up directly like that, though. What does it look like?

Brian
It shows up as- What does it look like? What would he think it looks like? Why don’t you just say it directly? Let me tell you. Oh, God.

Ani
Never finding time to do the things that you enjoy. Always having too much on your to-do list, constantly putting more on your to-do list. Then all the other stuff you already talked about.

Brian
Overworking. Working so hard so you can feel satisfied and maybe get a reward thing, right? Having to work to feel good.

Ani
Finally doing something that you put time aside for and you can’t even appreciate I appreciate it because blank, blank, blank. People are texting you, somebody’s calling you. You can’t stop all the negative thinking in your head. All right, making this too much about… This has been a huge thing for me. I’ve worked on it for so many years. Yeah, I get it.

Brian
Yeah, I get it. When I was in college, I remember having a study group that I used to study with. It would be studying together. It would be like midnight, one in the morning or something like that. They’d be like, Okay, we’re going to bed. I’m like, Brian, aren’t you going to go to sleep? This was my answer. I’ll sleep when I’m dead. That was literally my answer. For years, I just did not have time to feel anything other than work and efforting. Efforting was really the only experience I had in life. Clean that up. I spent a lot of time feeling good now.

Ani
We spent a lot of time feeling good. Yeah, feeling good is great. And not just going to the spa days or reading reading a book or something, and all of that’s important. But right now, laughing, conversing.

Brian
Enjoying basically every moment of the day or at least many moments in the day.

Ani
I think it’s joy rather than it needing to be something you take a vacation and do, which, by the way, you go take a vacation and it doesn’t feel like a vacation. Then you need a vacation from your vacation. Yeah, right. Okay.

Brian
If feeling good feels like a waste of time to you, then that is a confidence problem. Confidence problem. Okay. All right, Ani. This one, I’m going to throw it to you.

Ani
I’m going to need to shake it off.

Brian
I’m going to throw this one to you.

Ani
Is this number 10?

Brian
No, this is number nine, actually. But when you question your purpose.

Ani
Yeah. I think we’re going to talk about this in a few weeks, actually, more in-depth. But yeah. So one of the things I see with people is that they have basically overridden Their guidance system so many times that they are so stressed and drained, and they don’t even realize it because we’re so used to being stressed and drained, that we think the problem is, I don’t know what my purpose is. When the real problem is we’re super stressed and drained for constantly overriding ourselves, constantly tolerating the things in our lives that we know we’re tolerating, and the pleasure version and all that stuff.

Brian
Those are all rooted, again, in confidence issues. True confidence, because confidence is something you have, again, it’s something you allow to flow through you. When the animating energy of life is flowing through you, You know your purpose.

Ani
You’re on purpose. You do the things and you have clarity. Clarity is something that people are seeking. When you’re lacking clarity, you question your purpose. But it’s like a domino’s thing, and the last dominoes know that falls is the question of your purpose. When you’re questioning your purpose, know that it’s actually not a purpose issue.

Brian
Yeah. All right. Number 10. Another deep one. You ready? It’s an insidious confidence problem when you consistently abdicate your values in relationships. When you’re in a relationship with someone else, and let’s say you have a value of, let’s just say honesty. Let’s say honesty is an important value in your relationship. You notice people around you are not being honest with maybe other people. Maybe you have a partner you’re working with, and your partner is not being honest with your clients, or you notice your partner is not being honest with other people. Honesty I think it’s really important to you when you’re like, Well, I guess it’s okay because they’re my partner and we have a business together and we have money. You might be abdicating your value in that relationship.

Ani
I think the way that people recognize this is that they think they have boundary issues. Boundary issues is really a values, clarification, and issue that needs to be paired with confidence. When confidence meets values, you don’t even need to think about boundaries because you’re just expressing yourself in a really healthy way that’s also very respectful of other people.

Brian
You don’t stay in relationships that don’t recognize and honor your values.

Ani
You don’t even magnetize them. People just aren’t in your life anymore. It’s not even like you need to leave them and cut ties with everybody. They just don’t show up anymore.

Brian
Because you could be in a relationship with people that have different values. Absolutely. Different values. But as long as it’s that expectation, I’m going to give up my values to adopt yours in order to keep the peace, that’s a confidence problem.

Ani
Because the reality is, or the reality we live in is, that differing values actually help to strengthen the whole. When somebody has different values than you, it’s actually an opportunity for everybody to get more life and for everybody to get more of what they’re trying to achieve.

Brian
Yeah, Exactly. Again, this is insidious because we don’t always recognize it, oftentimes because we just want to keep the peace in the relationship. I don’t want to ruffle feathers. I don’t want to rock the boat. I’ll let my value of, let’s say, fiscal care or something like that just lapse in the relationship, or personal integrity, or honesty, or something that is really important or core to you isn’t respected or even recognized in the relationship, and so you keep burying it under the rug, that’s a confidence problem for you. That goes right back to tolerating again. Now you’re back in this toleration phase of tolerating something where you are not really free to to truly express who it is that you are meant to be in the world. Then all ties back together. You might see a lot of linkages between these insidious ways because they all have the same core problem. It’s all a confidence issue.

Ani
I think one of the things about experiencing a different reality, like a new reality. If you’re experiencing a reality right now that you wish was different, you can experience a new reality. When you change core issues, you can imagine how Everything changes from there. You get a new Mr. Potato.

Brian
New Mr. Potato. We’re going to change your potato here. We don’t want to leave you hanging like, Oh, my God, I got all these issues. What do I do about this? Well, the process that we use to help people tap into their endless source of confidence. It’s basically got five basic steps.

Ani
Before you say that, I know you’re all listening to the Somatic Coaching Academy podcast. You would expect us to say this, but you’ve Got to have body solupt. Yeah, totally. It’s Brian. But most of the time people try to do something about these issues by taking an intellectual approach only. So you’re going to journal or you’re going to go take a course, you’re going to talk to a therapist, and It’s those little things that you were saying that’s superficial. It’s not really getting to the core. You have to do body stuff.

Brian
Okay, go ahead. Because you have to unblock the bioenergetic blocks in the body. The first thing you have to be able to do is deconstruct the most prominent limiting belief and its associated bioenergetic block in the body. Now, when we do this practice with people, really dial into the chakra system because we don’t have all this time to talk about chakras right now because it’s a It’s a deep topic. But chakras are anatomical structures. They’re based on neurohormonal development as you go through your life. During certain developmental periods, if you have more challenge than support, more support than challenge in your life, you generate blocks in the bioenergetic system. Then those are basically the plugs that are not allowing the bioenergy or the animating force of life to flow through your system. You have to understand what is the limiting belief and where does that limiting belief live in your body essentially. That’s one. You got to know that. Number two, then you have to be able to do something, and this is where you have to come at this from this body-oriented way to release these bioenergetic blocks. Then also learn how to turn on the spigots of the natural flow of energy.

Brian
Because there’s plenty of energy all around you right now. The problem is you don’t have the spigots open and the pipes aren’t clean. You have to be able to do both those things. You have to be able to take out the blocks. Once you take out the blocks, turn on the spigots, and then you get stuff going. See, most people want to turn the spigots first before they take out the blocks. Then what happens, you got a lot of pressure behind those blocks, and that creates more problem and more pain. You have to be able to deal with the blocks first and then turn on the spigots. Now you got more of life-first energy flowing. That’s great. That’s the first part of this. Then what you have to be able to take a new action based on a more empowering belief. You have to be able to take this energy that’s moving through you and put it into action in the world. Now, once you put in the action in the world, the next step is to gather evidence of that new action. Most people don’t even know what the evidence looks like when it comes back to them, and they miss it, and they become aware of it.

Brian
It’s a blind spots. You need help with that.

Ani
Why do they need to take action in the Back to the previous step.

Brian
Well, because it’s all about reinforcing. The energy is flowing through. I’ve got to take action to do… I got to either have that conversation with my spouse. I have to be able to make some phone calls. I have to be able to do something like that because I have to be able to reinforce the action. The action is part of the somatic pattern that you’re rebuilding. Without the action, you don’t really rebuild a new pattern.

Ani
Which is another thing that people often do to try to fix these problems superficially is they just try to fix over in their room while they’re meditating or whatever and not get into action on it. Exactly. Which is, again, part of the patterns. Yeah.

Brian
You really have to get into action with it. Have to get into the action. You have to gather evidence of the action. Then the last part is you really need to be a part of a community where there’s unwavering support of the process that you’re in. It’s great to do these kinds of things with your partners and your business partners and your friends. But part of the thing that can get a little is that every relationship you’re in right now has a dynamic. The dynamic fits together like pieces of a puzzle. Whether you like the puzzle picture or not, it fits together. When you start to make changes, you might get a talk from your partner or partners that they support the changes that you’re making. But as soon as it starts to feel to them like you’re actually changing the dynamic, there’ll be resistance to that.

Ani
Unless you’re in an actively explicit growth relationship, your changes will be confronting to the other people in your life.

Brian
Yeah, exactly.

Ani
The question is, are they going to go through it or not? If you haven’t been explicit about this is a growth relationship, relationship that it will be confronting. Other people are actually committed subconsciously, subconsciously to you also staying the same.

Brian
Exactly. It’s not just you, it’s other people. You need to be in a group of people that are committed to helping you transform what it is that you’re dealing with, helping you to be able to tap into the flow of confidence. Have you been a group of people that do that? Those are the five basic steps to do it. That’s our tapping into the endless flow of confidence strategy. That’s the strategy we know works. We know works. If this is like, Gosh, that’s exactly what I need right now, then we invite you to join us at Kripalu, which is the largest retreat center in the Northeast. Amazing. It’s in Massachusetts, Western Massachusetts, in the Berkshire. We’re going to be there from January 11th through 16th.

Ani
Part of the reason why it’s important to go somewhere is get you out of your normal operating system. Get you into a new place where you can approach things freshly and you’re not trying to figure out what’s for dinner and what’s on my to-do list and who needs to go places and all that stuff because you need space and time. You need to remove yourself from your usual environment for a few days to be able to have the space to do the work.

Brian
Yeah, just to go somewhere for a week and not have to cook yourself or anyone else a meal or do any dishes for a whole week.

Ani
That’s confidence building and transformative.

Brian
That alone is transformative. That alone gives you enough space to transform something in your life. At the Endless Confidence, tapping the Endless Confidence program that we’re going to be leading at Kripalu, we’re going We’re going to be helping you release fear, release guilt, release shame, release the connection and attachment to toxic relationships, help you reclaim your voice and your purpose. We’re going to take you through all these five steps and help to engender for you big changes through the course of not only the rest of your life, but let’s just say for a year. Let’s just say 2026. What if one week of 2026 could help you get results like our other people have taken this program, doubling their income, closing 10 brand new clients, healing relationships in their lives.

Ani
Having difficult conversations with their partners. Yeah, but imagine what a fantastic 2026 could do for the rest of your life because you’re creating new patterns. Yeah, absolutely. Back up for a second to what you said about releasing fear and guilt and shame and things like that. Because I talk to people who say they know that they have guilt. They know that they have shame. They know that They have fear. And a question I’ve been asking more recently of folks is, what are you going to do about it? Some people don’t know what to do. Some people are like, Well, I’m going to go read a book about it. I have had people also tell me, I’m going to let it go.

Brian
Just going to let it go.

Ani
Going to let it go. I would like to revisit that conversation in a few months and say, How is that going for you? Because if you don’t do something bioenergetically with your subconscious mind, we will not let it go. That’s not a judgment call. It’s just how our subconscious and our bodies work, our minds work. We will keep running the programs until we change the program, put a new program in, and then practice that program, like you said, with a community of people who can then sustain that new program. That’s what it takes. Just letting it go is a nice thought, but it is your subconscious mind way of going, Sure, go ahead, try that.

Brian
You can do so much of this work in being immersed for a week in doing it. It’s so powerful. You get so much of it done.

Ani
When you actually take yourself out of your usual and go somewhere, you can actually do way more of it because you’re not trying to deal with all the day-to-day stuff.

Brian
Yeah, exactly. The thing is, too, when people hear about this program, they’re like, Oh, my God, it sounds amazing. It sounds incredible, but it’s a whole week. But It’s a whole week, but it’s a whole week, or I’m busy or I have other things going on, and those sorts of things. What I want to remind you is when you have a confidence problem, getting up enough confidence to do something about it is actually a part of the problem.

Ani
100%, or I already have some things on my schedule. Well, things can also be moved so that you can go do the thing that you need to do that’s going to change your life. Perceived inconvenience is always going to stand in our way of changing our patterns.

Brian
We know that when people who have confidence flowing through them are decisive. They’re decisive, they’re on point, they’re on purpose. They go after what it is they know will help them achieve the things that they want to achieve in their life.

Ani
But to become that person, you’re going to have to get over a hump. Exactly. I remember for For me, the very first time I went to a retreat, it was only two days, and it was just for me. I had signed up for it, and we told the story before on other podcasts. I don’t remember which ones. But the facilitator actually said, You are likely going to have to overcome some hurdle to be able to come because this is really going to be transformative, and that’s going to require you to overcome some hurdle. It wasn’t until the day of, I I’m like, Wait for it. What’s going to happen? Nothing’s happening. And then it’s the day of everything started happening around the house that made it very difficult for me to get to the thing. But I knew ahead of time that it was going to take commitment from me. I was going to have to make a decision to go no matter what. And it was totally on purpose. Every single thing that came up was totally on purpose, not only for me, but for everybody else in my life who was impacted by that morning so that they could have more life, too.

Ani
Everything after that moment, as they say, is history. I would not be doing the things I’m doing. I would not be the person I am if I had not gone to that retreat. I was really grateful to know that there was going to be something that I was probably going to have to overcome on the way.

Brian
Yeah, amazing. Honey, do you want to just let people know about the bonuses that are expiring for this program on the 15th of December? Just a couple of days.

Ani
Well, yeah. If you go to our web page and go to Live Events, and you scroll down to where it says Kripalu, go ahead and click on the link, and all the bonuses are there because, Brian, I’m not sure I’m going to say them all off the top of my head.

Brian
We have an integration call. That’s a bonus.

Ani
Yeah. Let me do them in order because otherwise, I don’t know if I’m going to remember. We have a pre-call that people will do before the retreat so that you can meet the community, so that you can set your intentions and get ready. Because one of the things we found is when we do these pre-calls, people show up really ready to go instead of needing to get there and then get ready to go. So we’ll do the prep call We’ll also have a one-on-one call, individual call, with a member of our team. So me, you, our assistant, Gibbs. So we’ll have one-on-one calls following the retreat for everybody to integrate after you’ve gone And the reason that that matters is because you’re in this space at Kripalu, and then you go home. And after about two weeks, you’re going to have some things that come up that you’re going to want to talk about, and you’re going to be able to do that with us. We also are going to do a special evening reading some of our sneak peek previews from our Manifestation for Dummies book, which is coming out in June. It’ll be the first time anybody hears any of the stuff from that, so that’ll be really fun.

Ani
And then I don’t know if these are still available to I’ll be honest with you, but the first five people who sign up for the retreat are also getting confidence boxes from us when they show up, welcome boxes at Kripalu. All of those bonuses are on the web page there. They’re only It will be available until December 15th.

Brian
Right. Yeah. So we only have a couple of days to take advantage of those.

Ani
And listen, if you want to get in on those bonuses, you have to email us at info@somaticcoachingacademy and send us a copy of your receipt. Because it’s at Kripalu, We don’t know the registration unless you let us know that you’re coming. So let us know that you’re coming by sending us a copy of your receipt at info@ somaticcoachingacademy. Com, and then you’ll get your bonuses.

Brian
Exactly. So my friends, if you are tired of tolerating your confidence issues, your confidence problems in all of the insidious ways that we’ve just laid out for you, here’s your chance to kick off 2026 in a way that feels powerful for you. You’ll know how to tap into the flow of energy that is associated with confidence for the rest of your life.

Ani
You can really live your purpose and make the impact you know you’re here to make. Live your calling. You know you’re here to impact the lives of others. You love it when it happens, and it can happen even more often.

Brian
Yeah. Check out the web page for the program. Give us a call. We love to chat with you about it, and we’ll see you at Kripalu.

Ani
See you at Kripalu. Thanks, everybody. We’ll see you next week. Bye. Bye, bye.